Dear Friends and Buddies,
I felt energized to write for more after I received some comments from you. Although I have a purpose and mission as I begun this writings, your being with me in this e-evangelization gives me a sign of a healthy start and thus, proceed. Thank you for being with me along the way.
I am geared to talk about the various issues on relationships in the real world and offer some advise on how to avoid if not solve their cases.
One former student of mine who graduated already became successful in his career as a seaman. When we met again in the college when he visited his alma mater, he shared his then fresh experiences in his life aboard the ship.
When they were docked somewhere in Mexico, he noticed that there were many prostitutes aboard the docked ship. Keeping his faith to morality, he went to his cabin to isolate himself. Nevertheless, he later noticed that someone was opening his cabin and a Mexican prostitute came in, using a master key. The seaman was cornered and soon “raped” and was later asked for money in return.
It may be a different angle of the common stories that seamen were used to buy port-partners when their ship was in the prot or docked. Seamen call them for temporary happiness through sexual release. Married seamen are often called by his wife as “seaman-loloko”.
I asked my student if he was happy in his life as a seaman. He said, he was satisfied with the salary but not on the eventual ”happenings” and immoralities in the port. He said, his conscience stike him always. I then advised him to shift to a better job where he is safe and free to meet his goal in life. It is not only money that matters in the long run. Today, I learned that the seaman has his own electronics and computer shop, blessed and married and have two children. He has his own time to manage his own entrepreneur business freely.
Fatherless children
As I too was on my first months here in Japan, my nihonggo classmate was a teenager in his sixteen. He was a son of a single-mother “japayuki” who later got married to a Japanese. He was also fresh in Japan and has to study nihonggo like me. I invited him to listen to my lectures too. He listen to a whole day seminar with his new Filipino friend who has the same status like him. They understood that they were results of the fallen single mothers. They ask me then if they have the right to live with their unplanned existence. They feel that their mother made a mistake and they are by-product of those mistakes. Are they to blame their mother?
I told them, of course, that they are human beings and are citizens on this land. If their mother made a mistake, they have their life now that needs to be face the real world. Blames would not solve but degrade more their life. The thing is, they need to be back to God as the author of life. They have to marcot or engraft their lineage back to God’s lineage. They can do it first by being faithful to God, keep the tradition of being one with God and discover further the moral ways in life. I have not met the two young men as they were enrolled to their high school. I have heard only that they have their sideline job in Mcdonald fastfood in the day-time and study during the night in high school. I know, they have lots of challenges in this new foreign nation like me. Their life is vague but they have to be loved too. I pray for them.
Husband’s “husbandry”
Some husbands I knew also openned up to me. They were mostly my students before in the state university, in my martial arts club who could connect to me through cyberspace. Others, who were near my place in La Union visited me too during my vacation and visits in the Philippines. We have nice sharings.
The problems of the husbands is mostly common. They have one if not two mistresses aside from their own wife. I listened to their stories applying the basic method in psychology: active listening. They said that during their single years after they passed the board and gain their employment, they only court and aim to have a wife. Hence, they got married i ntheir early 20’s. But during their married life, they happen to meet other women. They just greeted these ladies as they met along the way, in their office, in their works and the like. But they were befriended later by the ladies, asked them to join them in their coffee break, to meet each other after the work, to go home together. That made the start of their bonding. Do I have to tell more what happened next?
After listening, I asked them why do they have to bite the sexual hooks of the temptous ladies, when they have already their own wife? Is his wife not a satisfaction for his sexual desire? Is there no healthy sexual relations between them as couples?
There were variety of answers. One husband said that after the birth of his first or second child, he has no sexual activity with his wife. Of course, the wife who just had delivered a baby was still recuperating from the pains after delivering the baby. It takes 2 to three months for them to be healed from. It was mostly that time that the husband was looking for something. And being danced and cordonned by those temptous ladies, they venture sexual life with other partner/s.
Like the seaman who tried to isolate himself from immorality, there were often times that the woman made the first “dance” to attract man. In those times of abstinence for husbands, they know they have their wives, but their sexual desire is just within them. When the time that woman came to him, it became difficult for man/husband to control himself ones the attraction and stimulation are present even if he was aware the woman was not his wife.
In a survey by American study, from teenagers to single adults, man averagely make self-stimutation by doing masturbation in two to three times per week. In like manner, married couples are considered to have healthy sexual relations having an average of three to five sexual activities per week. Less than ten affairs in a year is considered sexlless marriage and unhealthy in that survey.
When I asked individually some husbands, they revealed that they only have an average of once to twice a month affair with his wife. Others have once in two months. The OFW’s have their different stories too. It’s varied that they went back to self-stimulation like when they were still single, or, the left spouse was attracted to a new partner, if not, the OFW has been attracted to a friend where he or she is based. Can you consider that as healthy sexual life? Husband and wife are both needed to make something on this. Or else one may look for another.
Sexual Ethics
The question here is on sexual ethics of the married couples.
There are probable cases that when the husband desires to have sex, his wife is not giving in for him. What is the importance of sex for the married couple then?
Sexual ethics is meant between blessed and married husband and wife. Rev. Fr. Sun Myung Moon in his Sunday sermons often reiterates that husband and wife’s love between each other needs to be maintained whatever circumstance may occur in their married life. Man’s organ is designed for his wife and owned by his wife. In like manner, the wife’s sexual organ is designed for her husband and owned by her husband starting when they are blessed and married. It is only during the sexual activity that husband and wife could become one; the two become one in the image and likeness of the Maker. Thus they become co-maker of God’s children giving a Godly lineage to their children and the next generation..
Sexual abstinence is a big factor resulting to the attitudinal irritation of the spouse. He or she got easily angry on the absence of sexual relations. Because of that, their children are usually scolded and became a spring board of his or their irritations and disappointments.
Being given no chance by his wife to have a healthy sexual relations, man is tempted to find another partner for his temporary happiness, basically unknown from the wife. But when the wife would discover it, the trouble and domestic war begins.
In this sense, wife should also do her part. If she cooks food that is for the family. She do laundry works for the clothes of her children too. But food, clothing, shelter and sex, are prime needs of man. Hence she should not only prepare food, clothings or clean the shelter but also prepare for her husband the right “food” for their bedtime activity including praying to the Creator that she can offer healthy, ethical sexual relation with her husband and/or vis-a-vis.
(This article is originally written by Dr. Cadano. Anybody who wish to copy this is required to ask permission from him. Comments and questios are welcome for healthy discussions.)
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